And darling, you should know, I have fantasies about being alone

Whyyyyy do people blog? There's many reasons I suppose. Why do I blog? I think my thoughts are unique? And maybe I can somehow.. ugh. I can't do this. I do not want to talk about me. Every time i sign on here, I start talking about myself and I delete it and I get on facebook. By this I mean, the majority of what I write on the whim is me trying to figure out how my brain works.. or something like that. So I don't want to bore the cyber world with THAT. My drunk roommates want me to take them to WalMart. No. I hate dealing with my drunk friends when I am sober. Because that's what i have to do every time- deal with it. My lust to drink alcohol dissipates by the year. I could probably make a solid chart of my alcoholism from 15 to 21. It starts in the middle, spikes at 17-18, slowly declines until now, where its practically zero, and spikes back at 21. Well, I assume I will want to drink when I'm 21. I like to be allowed to do things. It becomes clear to me more and more that I hate breaking the rules, whatever they are. What a wet blanket I am! Well anyway, drunk friends are SO annoying. Drunk people are be funny, but drunk friends are just annoying. That's an almost solid fact I believe.


To the date, I have officially have been getting a period for 9 years. Woooooo! I know you were curious. Goodnight.

I really have grown to love China and their taxi drivers

BCLU Dorm#17 Room 201
finished time 12:14 pm

I've battled the difficult language of Chinese. When in Rome, I've lived as the Romans do, in this case, the Chinese. I've waddled through the puddles with pee when it rained, and I've spent most every day sweating more than I ever have before. I've squatted the toilets, climbed their Great Wall, fist-fought with the Silk Market sales people (not really, but close), gotten fat over their food, sung keroke to a rap song all by myself, learned to scream waitress when I want to order/pay, I let Yu Laoshi get my heart beating 10000 beats per minute over his stupid memorization practice things in fear he would call on me. I've lived in a moldy room with a moldy shower curtain, been consistently verbally harassed in class by my gay friend whos in love with me, listened to at least 5 conversations about poop in Chinese a week, went 6 weeks without facebook, got swindled buying their traditional clothing, let a taxi drive away with my shitty cell phone, and been bench-pressed by a large Russian man. But I think the most challenging thing I will have to face in China is packing my damn suitcase! I've been obsessing about it for a week, up at night just imagining each souvenir one by one, and how they MUST fit together in one normal-sized suitcase; how I just can't bare to leave anything of mine in this country. I've thought about this for weeks.. what I will leave here. So far I have accepted that I will leave my jean jacket, one bra, and the perfume I brought with me (which i brought for the purpose of using up). Recently, I've realized I will have to leave more if i don't want to pay for two overweight suitcases. And for some reason, SO odd to me, I've almost accepted the fact that I have to leave my beloved converses, but I do not think I will be able to leave my conditioner (shampoo is whatever). This may or may not be because I want an excuse to buy new converses? Or because I'm insane. Rereading this whole thing has confirmed the latter.

Anyway, sorry to ramble about something as ridiculous as packing. I know you all were really curious. We received our grades today- for our final exam and overall- and I have managed an A. I have to be honest in saying that it really wasn't difficult. I believe our teachers really just wanted us all to get A's; everyone got an A or an A-. I am ecstatic to be done with this work and to be able to start 300 level Chinese in the fall... in 3 weeks; ugh.

Departing t-minus 15 hours. 15 hours to.. pack.


Some highlights:
Justin being asked "how much?" outside our Hotel in Xi'an.
Justin jumping on Kyle, taking down both of them and a beer pong table.
Mike getting arrested.
Mark being the first (this just to make him happy).
Yu Laoshi singing his heart out.

That actually pretty much rounds it all up.

Quotes:

Zenme shuo "bitches aint shit"?

"Books are so much fun!"

happy birthday matt and dad!

So 2 thursdays ago was our midterm. It was much easier than we thought it was going to be; i did well enough. After our midterm we went to Xi'an, a city about 12 hours away via sleeper train. The sleeper train was a lot of fun & so nice. well, the beds were just a lot better than our beds at school. I actually loved traveling by train; it was very comforting. Xi'an is a very historical city & our main attraction there was the tombs of the terracotta warriors. This was soo cool, Wiki it and keep a look out for pictures on facbeook.. later. After this, we saw the Tang Dynasty Music and Dance show. This was kind of boring compared to the acrobatic show. Our hotel was amazing; sooo nice and the beds were heaven. The next day we went to Xi'an's city wall, called the Ming Great Wall. It wasn't nearly as difficult as the Great Wall; there was just one flight of stairs and the rest was just walking. It was very pretty though, the view was awesome. I've encountered this a lot, like a thousand+ year old historic site in the middle of such a modern, bustling city. Just about every place we've been to is like this actually. We then went to the Museum of Stone Tablets. This I didn't really understand. I just know I was looking at like thousands year old character writing engraved in... stone tablets. All the sites very interesting, although i didnt always understand what i was looking at. Gump (our Xi'an tour guide, as in Forrest Gump) wasn't nearly as enthusiastic as Stone (as in Rolling Stone).

This past friday we went to keroke with our teacher and the TA, lulu, who's coming to OU in the fall to help teach. I was shy at first, like always, but with some Baijiu (pinyin sp?) I let loose and later sang my heart out, unfortunately. No it was fun, we had a great time, and got to like my teacher even more- a very funny guy, without trying. We had to get up super early the next day so we just went home after. Saturday was a busy day, guided by Jason (no good explanation). We first went to the Forbidden City. I had been there before but its like a mile walk before you even get to the entrance of the actual Forbidden part. So today we started on the opposite side and got right i. It was veryy cool; I can't really describe what I saw without making it sound boring or making no sense so I'm not bothering. Actually when we first got there we got to see a little stone room thing where the Emperor would choose his like 3000 concubines. And then we saw the concubines living quarters. Tienanmen was right across the street so we saw all that. Here is where about 4 Chinese families asked me to take pictures with them and their kids, no idea how many didn't bother asking. We then went to the Temple of Heaven, and then a restaurant famous for their roast duck. Amazing. I then spent too much money at the Pearl Market, we went to dinner, and Beijing Opera- weird! very weird. It was mostly music and karate moves, I wish I had heard more singing.

A couple of us went to the Silk Market on Sunday, a big shopping center where you can bargain everything you buy, where the purses are fake and such. I think I've used my Chinese the most here, even though they all know English. Its just fun. Its hilarious because you literally fight and yell with the sellers. They grab you and chase you and have no problem hitting you. Repeating "you crazy person!" "you kill me!" "you leave now!" You want them to be angry though because you know you're getting a good price. Everyone here loves bargaining but I honestly prefer just to buy things at a set price; bargaining is exhausting.

So the trip is officially more than half over. It didn't feel as though it was going fast at the time, but it really did fly by. I would love to write more, mainly about the people here with me but I don't think its appropriate. I probably wouldn't be able to really convey what i want to say without offending someone. Probably. Its funny because I mentioned how great everyone seemed to get along in the beginning, and it was SUCH a lie! We are probably the most argumentative group to ever travel in China. Almost everyone has something bad to say about almost everyone lol. And I laugh because although everyone argues and criticizes all the time, its in a kind of... loving way. Its strange and I can't explain it without sounding super.. lame.

To note on the education, I do feel I am learning so much. Yes, the culture is an education itself, but learning the language is also very stimulating. When i hear my teachers speak to each other, or other natives talk, i listen SO hard and I just get this helpless feeling that I will never be able to understand or speak this language. It comes & goes. One of my favorite moments here was just the other day when a waitress spoke to us, she soon realized she had to speak slowly, but we managed to answer her questions about how long we were here and why we were here. It made us feel really good to actually speak & be understood, have a conversation outside the classroom. No, doesn't happen often. Today, however, my language partner made me soo happy! He said "Ni de Hanyu shou tigao le." My Chinese has improved! I knew he meant it because we were in like mid-conversation about something else. Wo hen gaoxing.

Being on this trip definitely begs the question- when the hell am i going to use this? Ehh.




"Why are you wearing a sweatshirt in China?"

"A sword and a qipao. They go together."

"And you like survive with that stupid sandwich."

"Why don't you just put it on your ass!?" (about a pastry)

"You need different coins to wash your food."


There's more than this but I can't remember atm!

"We do have Starbucks.. We've nicknamed it "The American Temple"

July 17, 2010
11:53 PM
College Perk Cafe

The people of China have no problem with their men walking around with their shirts half way up. And you know, I really don't either because it is just so so so so hot here. I wish I could do that. But yeah, it's pretty common to see (mostly) old men showing their bellies all over the place. Honestly, sometimes the most interesting part of the day is walking around because the traffic here is absolutely nuts. They do not follow the traffic rules, and I really am starting to think they actually don't have any. I've come to the conclusion that because this city is SO crowded, everyone just pushes through everywhere. It's not about politeness or order, it's just all about getting where you need to go and being the fastest one to do it. At a mall we were at, three of us were waiting at an elevator and managed to miss it twice because people pushed by so fast to get on, by the time it was full, we barely noticed it was there. The driving is not real. I could never ever drive in this city. People say Asians can't drive, but I have to completely disagree. They can drive, they just can't drive with rules holding them back, i.e. speed limits, turn signals, red meaning stop, etc. These taxi drivers are skilled mofos, but it is scary has hell. They push and push and push. Today, our taxi driver tried to beat a bus merging into our lane so we'd be ahead of it before we got to the light. This was the closest near-death we've had; the bus prevailed and we were stuck behind it. But to my amazement, I have not seen an accident yet. In the US, you walk on the right, but not here. The bike lane kind of merges with the sidewalk and bikes are literally everywhere. I can't blame them since you have to have badass level driving skills to survive here. But people ride and walk wherever they need to, there is absolutely no order. But, I feel like the people here have their own sense of the people around them and what they're doing. Because i've almost been run over by a bike like 3 times.

The smell of Beijing.. is semi-horrible. I think I'm used to it. But I guess it's legal to pee outside here, and I suppose that's what it is. and the massive amount of pollution. The average visibility is like 2 miles ahead because of all the smog. And i'm pretty sure it's ok to litter. I don't know.. a couple of places I've been to people will just throw their trash in the parking lots and there are employees sweeping up the mass amounts.

The public toilets are probably the worst thing... the absolute worst. You squat. and you throw away your toilet paper.. that you have to carry with you. because no, most of them don't have toilet paper. And no, sometimes you don't flush. Sometimes these toilets are cleaned up, but most of them are just downright disgusting. This really made me see how spoiled we are in the states. It may or may not be actually more hygienic, because you're not actually sitting on the toilet sit. but the atmosphere and area surrounding is hard to handle sometimes. The toilet in my dorm is western though, so I just always try to go there before I leave.

So lets see.. If you're really good friends with someone, it's not rude to chew and talk with your mouth open; i've seen my language partners do this a lot and we just had to bring it up. It's also ok to eat with your elbows on the table.. I've been taking advantage of this a lot. Sorry, dad. It's really polite to put food on other's plate (in the lazy susan style); and make things with the food for someone at the table. My language partner made me a wrap thing with duck, and was definitely offended when I didn't want it. I ate it once I realized this. I've basically only eaten with chopstick. This is hugggeee because I really had no idea how to use those things and now i have to use them all the time. I'm glad I'm decent at it now, i just miss the fork. We just discovered this amazing American restaurant close by so I did get to use one there.

The nightlife is about the same. The bars we've been going to have been ridiculous expensive. Well, about as expensive as they are in the states which is expensive here. 50 RMB cover charge last night, about 10ish dollars, and then 50 RMB drinks. So outrageous. There's also airport-like security at almost every bar we've been to, even the cheaper ones. I put my purse through a scan check thingy, or a man has to look in it. and there's metal detectors. I'm not complaining though; Youngstown should probably kick it up a notch. These clubs really were amazing though.. soo high class with like side couches everywhere, huge dance floors, the loudest music. It's fun, but no longer worth it. Erika had to pay 10 rmb to wash her hands at the place last night. Oh yes, smoking works its way into my life again. People are allowed to smoke in restaurants and bars. And it's not as bad in the restaurants, but the bars are awful sometimes, just filled with smoke. I haven't ended a night smelling like smoke in so long, so it's been eh.

Welllll that's just some China culture I've noticed so far. I know most of the paragraphs sounded negative, but I really am loving it. It's an amazing experience.

Lebron Who?

Notice: Soo if anyone is actually reading this, you may or may not think I sound crazy/dumb in my entries. i usually write when i have a bunch of other things I have to do & I almost never proofread. soo thats that; sorries.

"Why is my love absurd?"

July 11, 2010
BLCU, Dorm #17
College Perk Cafe
9:30 pm

Hiiii. So we started classes, and they're taught about the same as they are at OU, just a lot faster. At OU, we learned a half lesson every week; we learn a half lesson every day here. It's not hard, it's just a lot more commitment. The teachers, who are great, I love them, also speak almost zero English in the classroom. The language pledged we signed, however, isn't really enforced as harsh as I thought it would be in the classroom. Chinese classes are very easy at OU, and they're continuation of the same learning techniques is making students take this program very lightly. It's frustrating sometimes. So we have class 8 am to 12 pm every day, and then we're also required to meet with a chinese language partner for another 2 hours. This has been kind of a fiasco. Basically we've gotten high school students who thought it would be a fun kind of summer thing to do. Some students got really good ones, but only because they sat at the right chair at the restaurant we met them at. They're really nice, but I'm just not learning anything. Dr. Tao, the program director, is taking care of it though.. maybe.

Let's see... last weekend we went to a keroke place close to the dorm on Friday. It was so very cool; we got our own room & a buffet. The buffet wasn't very good.. and included chicken feet. And of course this was my first experience drinking in China, which is legal! This led to me singing Shake ya tailfether almost all by myself. and there's a video. Saturday night we went to a nicer downtownish area & spent the night in a too expensive bar there; you could tell because of all the Americans. very fun though. It's entertaining enough to see how the Chinese dance. Sunday, we went to a huge shopping street called Wanfujing and ate in this like fondu style Muslim restaurant. Later, we went to Tiananmen Square and the Forbidden City. This day was absolutely unbearable, so unbelievably hot, I couldn't really enjoy it. But I'm glad I can saw I saw it. So then Monday started classes again. We really take it easy during the week because classes can get so exhausting. Constantly translating for 4 hours can really exhaust you. Friday of this past weekend we basically just drank in the dorm. We were going to go out but it was pouring rain. We ended up just drinking and playing a card game called Bu Yao (literally- don't want) for like hours in the dorm's cafe.. that, yes, sells alcoholic drinks. It's kind of strange, but of course we love it.

Yesterday was huge, so I'm giving it it's own paragraph. We started at about 830 am; went to the emperor Ding's tombs & underground palace; lunch & this cool touristy, but legit shopping center that accepted my mastercard. Then we made our way to the Great Wall, which was aweeeeeesomeee. Our tour guide for the day.. Stone, was his name, said as soon as you step on the Wall you are a hero. I mean, whatever, but it was really exciting. It's separated into certain sections & the section we climbed went up to 2000 feet above sea level.. said someone. Erika & I kind of lagged behind because I guess were the most out of shape, but at one point we were debating turning back because it was just soooo exhausting; the steps were so steep. But we decided to keep on going & finally reached the top and it was probably one of the most amazing feelings. You couldn't see much up so high because it was a cloudy day with lots of mist & such. This was actually really lucky; if it was as hot as it usually is here, I doubt I would've made it. After being more sweaty than I ever have in my life, we went to dinner.
Every dinner paid for by the program has consisted of Chinese food on a lazy susan, in a family style thing. The lot of us can't all sit at one table so we separated into 2, and my group was sitting with the Director of the Office of Study Abroad and the Chairman of the program. They came to visit for a couple days to see the workings of the program & gain some insight. This was interesting because we got to give them our opinions of the program and what we think needs to change, and they let us know a little bit of how things work on the China side at BLCU. So after this, we went to a flying acrobat show. This was absolutely like.. mind blowing. Ill post pictures & a video.

Well, I was going to talk about the culture shock, but I'll just save it because this is so long.

Quotes of the week:
Yu Laoshi: "(something in Chinese) haishi (something in Chinese)?
Mark: "uh huh"
Yu: Bu shi "uh huh"

"Nothing is Asian in Asia"

"Fuck yeah I'm gonna squat."

"I burped and it was spicy and it burnt my eyeballs!"

"Ceasar is either a total sham or the most fucking interesting man in the world."

"I'll buy you a drink."
"No.. I just want a keychain.. or a shotglass."

"The hapy lemon fiends are we you said toilet. this dwordorant is one of 4 fucking kinds they I have in China I'm way too drunk to be in Chona."

"It can only get better from here because it CAN'T get any worse!"

Wednesday June 30, 2010
BLCU, Dorm #17, room 825.

The flights were fine. I barely remember them. The majority of our group traveled together from Columbus to Minneapolis to Seattle to Beijing, getting to know each other more as we discuss how much we packed, money brought, classes, the campus, etc. Everyone gets along really well; its a relief that turned out to be an enormous benefit when we arrived to a number of letdowns (stay tuned). The 11-hour flight will not even have been my longest one, when I do Tokyo to New York for 13 hours on the way home. I'm not worried about it though; because in the 11 hours, sleep, When In Rome (waste), and jumbled thoughts kept me..well, not bored out of my mind. Mentally, being in a foreign country (not counting Canada) is absolutely exhilarating. I just tried for 5 minutes to describe my thoughts while landing, and I could not without sounding ridiculous. One of the best parts of the trip, however, will probably be Mark yelling "Oh shit!" to a quiet, mostly Asian plane, when we hit the runway. It was a little hard. Physically, well, being here is definitely an adjustment. Which is working out in our second day in Beijing, I believe. First of all, I packed WAY too much. I am so very angry with myself. Then again, I really might not be later when I have all these options to choose from. It might've been worth having Michael switch suitcases with me to carry through the airport. We'll see. I'm also nervous I'm going to have to check another suitcase to fit the souvenirs. Eeeek. So we walk outside, (about 12 am local time) and its just a smoggy smoggy world. You can smell it, and you're breathing it. And it's ruining your night pictures. The time difference is also baffling me every day. Despite being so exhausted still, I think I'm adjusting to the 12-hour time difference fine. It's so crazy to think it's 5 AM at home right now. We arrive to our dorm to find out we would all have to room with other international students. This was a big letdown to me just because I had planned to live with Erika since like.. January. The dorm life in general has been.. not horrible, but really really close. My Korean roommate was not happy to see me when she came home at 4 in the morning that night and she was not very nice. She speaks a little English, but I can tell doesn't really understand me, and also Chinese, but she knows it a lot better than I do. It's gotten better but its just awkward, and I hate being in my room. Many students are leaving in about a week or so, so Erika and I will hopefully get a room soon. So, along with a not so great roommate, there are no towels and there is no bedding, which were claimed as being provided. The beds are wood, an inch of mattress pad, and a dirty sheet. They took care of the bedding by like 2 am, fine, but the so called towel.. was the size of a hand towel..and the only one we got. Some other things that bother I and my American self are going to complain about- a shower head basically put on the side of the bathroom wall; paying for the internet by the month- free wifi in the lobby but it rarely works, very thin walls, mosquitos in the elevator, not one English speaking channel, definitely not enough coffee available, having to boil the water first,

Some not so bad things- The furniture, size of the room, 2 elevators, the exchange rate, CHEAP CHEAP CHEAP everything, great people, great city. Another great thing is that I know this program is already benefiting me because I've had to use Chinese so much already. I really suck but, class starts tomorrow.

*can't usually access my blog site, so I'll be posting & writing at different times.

this is as good as its gonna get

Right before I started watching Blow, I had logged into my blog, just out of curiosity to see how long it was since I updated and if any of my friends had updated. and as Johnny Depp's name appears, I wonder why I couldn't update my blog.. because its been 6 months since I wrote anything. And it's always the same excuse I give myself- because I have nothing to say. But that's not true at all. I actually have so much to say that theres no way for me to pick and choose the thoughts and words that I want to share with people. There is no possible way. Then i thought, stupidly, that someone, somewhere has a key to my mind that one day will unlock all of the words trying to escape. Why someONE? I don't know. It is a nice thought. This is all I wanted to say.